I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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