And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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