Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The air taste purple.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
