I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
