i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
