What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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