Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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