ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
