i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
