I must be too annoying 4 u.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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