my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Sorry about my life...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
