I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
