Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
