If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
