So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
That accounts for only three of the penises
Someone came in the potted fern
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
