umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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