I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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