a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
try to milk me bitch
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
