I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
