well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
