she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
