I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
