i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
