the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you didnt know i had herpes?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
