Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
