Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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