I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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