I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You took a bar mat shot.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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