first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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