Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize