Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm too high and old for this...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
