I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
