you guys were way drunker than both of me
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
