I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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