Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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