Well douche your snatch and let's go!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
