I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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