can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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