Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
