dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just cut my nipple shaving
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Boobs are out for the taking
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
