I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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