You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
