k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
