Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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