i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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