So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
