I wanna passion pit in your ass
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
