I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
