And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
