I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
