Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
