so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
