I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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