i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
