My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
