just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Found the puke drawer
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
