Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
