I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
