She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
