A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
