Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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